My husband’s birthday was Thursday so I made a special dinner. Last night was a big outing with the whole family, which included dinner. Tonight I’m taking my husband out for his birthday and we’ll be eating in a restaurant. Tomorrow we’re supposed to be meeting friends for dim sum at 11:30am. (For the record I’m not the one who made those plans.)

After all of this I’m supposed to weigh in on Monday morning and I have to confess it seems like a huge joke to me to tell you the truth.

No, I haven’t over eaten. I haven’t even eaten anything that’s really so far off my food plan. I had the tiniest piece of homemade blueberry pie on the birthday. But other than that it’s been “protein, protein, protein” and some vegetables, my protein shakes, and bars.

But what amounts to four restaurant meals in the four days preceding the weigh in (not to mention the fact that I got my period nearly a week early yesterday) just doesn’t bode well for the results.

I’d consider skipping it altogether, but I’ll be out of town and no where near a scale the following Monday and I’m not missing the weigh in two weeks in a row.

But I confess I still feel confused and conflicted over the whole thing. As of last week’s weigh in I’ve lost 22.5 pounds. But I don’t really feel like I’ve lost 22.5 pounds. I feel, in my mind and in my body, that I’m the same. My clothes don’t really feel all that different, but maybe that’s because I’m still primarily in yoga pants while I wait for the incision by my belly button to finish healing. (More on that in a minute.) I don’t think I look any different when I look in the mirror, clothed or naked. Of course, the nurse’s remonstrations from my one month check up are still rattling around in my head making me feel like my efforts aren’t worth much. (It still doesn’t help.)

I took a few walks this week. Well, more like a couple. They weren’t long. But on at least two days I was able to get out and stretch my legs. It’s caused the pain in my foot to recur, which is very frustrating. I even bought new walking shoes, thinking the old ones had just worn out, but no, the daily foot pain is back. Maybe it will improve if I lose more weight. Maybe I’ll need to see a doctor. I honestly don’t know.

I think, that actually sums things up best: I don’t know.

I don’t know.

All I can do is one thing at a time, on day at a time.

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