The visit with the nurse yesterday was, as expected, awful. I cried most of the way home in the car.

The best moment: She told me that I didn’t reach their benchmark for weight loss in the 1st month, which is 10% of your total weight. That should have been 23.8 pounds for me and with the inexplicable 2 lbs weight gain between Wednesday and Thursday mornings my total weight loss was 17 pounds.

But that’s not how the appointment started off. It started with her asking me how it was going and I said it had been extremely difficult bordering on miserable. She asked how and I told her I was constantly hungry. She replied with, “up your protein, up your protein, up your protein”. I looked at her and said, “But you don’t know how much protein I’ve been getting in each day”. She looked confused, as though her formulaic response had never resulted in a response before. She said, “Ok, how much protein are you getting in” to which I replied, “60-70 grams a day”. She actually said, “Oh. Huh.”

There was an opportunity there, in that moment for her to make a switch out of her formulaic canned responses and move towards empathy and understanding by asking me more questions. She chose not to make that switch and spent the rest of the appointment telling me things without taking me, as an individual, into consideration. She actually even “explained” to me that sometimes people get into bad eating habits because they are trying to eat their feelings and that I should see their therapist. Then she explained to me what a therapist does.

I’M A THERAPIST!!!! I KNOW WHAT WE DO!!! I’VE ALSO BEEN IN OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS FOR 25 YEARS AND I KNOW WHAT EMOTIONAL EATING IS. I’VE ALSO BEEN IN THERAPY FOR YEARS. READ MY CHART BEFORE YOU COME IN HERE AND TALK TO ME!!!!

Of course, I didn’t say that, but between that and the “you’re not losing the right amount of weight” bull I just disengaged and stopped listening to her. At least I held back the tears until I had left the building.

The gal at the front desk is pretty awesome and she could tell I wasn’t doing well when the appointment was over. I had to schedule the next follow-up, for 3 months post-op, and when we were making the appointment we had the following exchange:

Me: “Now the next appointment is with the nurse too?”

Her: Yes. You generally see the nurse for all the follow up visits once your incisions are healed. You don’t see the doctor unless there’s a problem.

Her (Then, lowering her voice): Or unless you *want* to… do you *want* to?

Me: Yeah, actually, that would be good. Thank you.

He at least knows me and talks to me like I’m a person. I’ve been his patient for 12 years and he would NEVER tell me I wasn’t doing well enough because I was 5 pounds short of the “benchmark”. So, I’m seeing him next time. Which, I hope, will be better.

In the meantime, I can’t do anything except keep plugging away at this so that’s what I’m going to do. But jeez. That was unpleasant.

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