Well, it’s day 19 post-surgery and it took until day 14 for me to start sleeping again. Those two weeks were really truly terrible. Not sleeping for that long felt like torture and it felt like I was losing my mind. 15 minute catnaps were NOT cutting it.

But I’ve been sleeping for the past 5 or 6 nights and it has made a huge difference.

It also made a huge difference that when I saw my doctor he gave me an updated post-op food plan. Now, I’m eating food that is both soft and moist, not just drippy liquids, and even though I haven’t been able to eat more than a couple ounces it at least feels like I’m the road to normal. Of course, the best part is actually that on about day 11 or 12 food started to taste mostly normal again. Not perfect, but significantly more like food than rat poison. The relief from that is better than I can express right now.

The heartburn finally went away yesterday. It was hurting like hell on Wednesday morning and I finally just ate some soft cheese and by the time I was halfway through I could feel it dissipating. I ate mostly dairy products on Wednesday including at bedtime a bit of yogurt drink. I drank some last night too and I’ve been feeling ok ever since. Thank God. I was really getting scared that wasn’t going to end. But now, at least I have a tool that works better than the omeprazole and Tums. Yay for low-fat cheese!

I have no idea what any of this is doing to my weight. I’d like to think I’m losing but I have no idea. Last week’s 2 pound loss was confusing and I genuinely don’t understand it. My calorie intake these past few days has increased from between 300-400 to between 500-600. I can’t get my head around the idea that 600 calories a day is too much to lose weight so I’m just going to throw my hands in the air and say, “I just don’t know but it’s better than starving and better than 2,000 calories a day” and leave it at that.

I’m doing my best to make the right choices. I realize that this surgery only works if I take control over what I put in my mouth. I also realize that much of what is preventing me from eating small amounts of junk right now is simply willpower, and honestly there is a toll that it’s taking. I do worry about what that’s going to mean in the long run but for right now I’m just trying to take the fact that I’m sticking to the plan as a win.

So that’s my mostly optimistic update.