Well I’m two weeks in and I’m not only feeling utterly miserable still, I’m confused as to why I’m not losing weight at the expected rate. I lost 2 pounds this week despite my caloric intake being painfully low. I haven’t eaten more than 375 calories in a day since the surgery. Based on my height, weight, and activity level with this level of caloric intake I should have lost over 5 pounds this week. But, instead I lost 2.

This is what I’ve been talking about for years: that there is something wrong with the way my body handles food. I eat next to nothing and still barely lose anything.

I know how this sounds, I do. 10 days ago I was complaining that I’d lost too much and now I’m complaining that I haven’t lost enough. I sound inconsistent at best and like a spoiled brat at worst. But come on, no one with the sleeve loses this little on such a restricted food intake.

On a side note the damn heartburn is freaking awful. It’s constant. I take the heartburn medication plus I also take a bunch of Tums everyday and it never goes away. The longer I go with an empty stomach the worse it gets. I had to get up about an hour after I’d gone to bed last night to eat a couple of spoonfuls of yogurt just so that I could lie down without the burning in my chest being unbearable. This was after taking the omeprazole and Tums.

Everything about this is awful. Sorry. I haven’t been able to be optimistic since this started. It’s not just that it’s so much harder than I expected, so much harder than 12 years ago, so much harder than the other surgery was… It’s that in my heart of hearts I really do fear I’ve made a mistake.