I’m 9 days into this post-op life and I’m just not doing well with it at all.

  1. Of the 8 nights since my surgery took place there is only one where I’ve slept. Last Saturday night I got 6 hours of continuous sleep. The rest of the nights I’ve either not been able to sleep at all (and I mean literally not at all), or I’ve slept only and hour or two in broken chunks, or I’ve slept in little 15 minute cat-naps with an hour awake in between.
  2. I have been hungry every minute of every day since last Tuesday around noontime. No matter what liquids I drink I stay hungry. I either can’t drink enough at one time or I can’t drink anything thick enough to simulate food. Either way it’s driving me absolutely crazy.
  3. I haven’t been able to eat more than 300 calories a day (and that was on my best day) and I have absolutely no energy.

So, basically, if you pull those three things together you have a perfect triumvirate for me to slowly lose my mind.

I was sitting at my computer earlier today getting some work done, sipping at my water, when I realized that it was already 10:30am and I hadn’t eaten anything yet. My honest to goodness first thought was, “Oh well, it’s not going to stop me from being hungry anyway so what’s the point. Forget it.”

This is not healthy. It’s a recipe for anorexia is what it is. I knew that was disordered thinking but instead of doing anything about it I just shrugged and kept on working. It’s 1:15pm now and I still haven’t “eaten” anything. I drank my protein shake and sipped a bit of water but that’s it. Literally nothing I can possibly eat seems appealing.

My doctor’s office called to confirm my post-op visit that is in 2 days and I chatted a bit with the gal who made the call. I see her at every visit and she’s so nice. She had the sleeve surgery herself so I asked her if the not sleeping and being constantly hungry was “a thing”. She was very nice but said that while some people have reported the hunger she never experienced it. Also, she hadn’t heard of the sleep problems before.

She suggested I speak with the nurse on staff and I demurred, saying I’d rather talk to the doctor in two days. But the truth is that I can’t stand the nurse. She doesn’t listen. She has her formulaic answers memorized and whatever question you ask she pulls the keywords from and answers based on the stock material she has. I’ll give an example:

I called after my band removal surgery to ask if since my steri-strips hadn’t fallen off after 9 days, but were very very itchy, if I could remove them in the shower. (I left her a voicemail.) She called back and left me a message that said that I shouldn’t worry if my steri-strips had fallen off and I should just cover my wounds with a gauze bandage.

Nope. Not what I asked.

She also makes me feel as though I am being scolded all of the time. If I say anything to the effect of, “Hey, my body works a little differently in that area,” she gives me this long winded reply about how they have the experience to know what does and doesn’t work and if I don’t want to follow their guidelines then they aren’t going to be responsibility for how it turns out. Here I’m talking about the fact that I can’t take the narcotic pain killers. She’s not a good fit for me.

But that whole thing about the nurse is really a tangent from the fact that I’m feeling so weak, and unbelievably run down, and without hope of things improving. This may have been a mistake. I may have valued weight loss over quality of life and I fear I am now paying the price.