There’s nothing to be proud of here. I’m having an old school binge.

Like I haven’t had in over a decade.

Walking through the grocery store ripping open bags before even paying.

My stomach hurts.

I’m past the point of knowing I should stop but there’s just no chance I can do it.

I’m not even hiding it anymore.

Things are going from bad to worse here in my life. For today I can’t hack it anymore. Today I collapsed. Literally.

Hyperventilated because the stress just got too much.

I am not proud.

But, for once, I’m not ashamed either.

I just can’t. I’ve reached the actual end of my rope. I thought I had before. Many times before in fact. But this is actually it.

I’m going to bed.

I have to get hime first. Pick up my daughter from the birthday party she’s at. Then go home and hand off this kid to my husband and the babysitter who swooped in to help.

Then I’m going to bed.

Not sure how long I’ll stay there.

But for today “I can’t” isn’t about being defeated. It’s about being honest.

I

CAN’T

RIGHT

NOW

that has to be ok for today.

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