I’m pretty confident that I blew the interview. Which makes me feel terrible.

I didn’t sleep last night. I mean, I slept from 10:30 pm-2:20 am. Then I was awake the rest of the night.

I was so exhausted going into this interview that I was not on my game. I left knowing that there were things I should have said in the interview, things I really should have remembered to say but didn’t that probably make me look like a terrible candidate.

Telling my husband the answers I gave to some of the questions he just kept shrugging and saying, “well, that’s not bad answer”.

Bottom line? I wouldn’t hire me. I don’t think they will either.

Between the exhaustion and the disappointment and the stress of all the other crap I have to worry about I’m not sure I can make it the rest of the day without eating over this. Even the thought of just for today doesn’t help.

Two years of wanting this job and then having it all turn out so badly makes me want to cry. Why did this have to happen now? Why did I have to have this interview, this one time opportunity, while I’m suffering my worst depressive episode in 5 years?

I know I should be looking for gratitude, silver linings, and ways to not be so damn hard on myself.

But for today, that’s not going to happen.