My food sobriety is funny in a way. I haven’t actually done anything different this morning (not really) and yet the specter of the day’s food sobriety is already hanging over me. As though there’s already some sort of withdrawal happening even though carbs and the sugars aren’t so far behind me I could reasonably be withdrawing from them yet.

Just the knowledge that I don’t get to screw around with food today seems like it’s enough to be causing my current dizziness and anxiety. I couldn’t sleep last night and my head feels filled with fog.

I’m wondering if I’m insane for having chosen my first day back on track as a day when I’m working from home. Too many opportunities to stop and head to the kitchen. Of course, I also think I’m crazy that I’m doing this the day before my big interview when I have to eat lunch with the hiring committee.

But there’s no good time to get sober from the food.  I just have to do it or it will just get worse and worse.

I’m revising my demonstration for tomorrow’s interview right now and then I’m planning to rest for an hour or so. I had breakfast: my on plan oat bran. Then I had two low-fat cheese sticks; they are the staple of dieters everywhere! I even had my glass of water and cup of tea. I should feel fine. Yet I’m exhausted. How can staying on plan for 5 hours be this exhausting when this plan made me feel vibrant and alive and clear-headed for a year and a half?

It’s a detox. I know, it’s the detox. I just have to be nice to myself, let myself rest while I can, and not hate myself for feeling weak.

I have a safe lunch planned, and I’m going to have to get myself to the store to get a safe dinner.

I’m praying this really turns out to be day one.

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