Well, with a weigh in today putting me at 164 lbs this feels a lot less like maintenance and a lot more like slipping and sliding back to being overweight.

I’m up 7 lbs since May.

I’m 10 lbs over where I’d really like to be.

I’m 15 lbs over where I’d ideally like to be (and never got).

But, oddly, I don’t feel panicked. Instead I feel pretty immune from freaking out over it.

I’ve been so stressed with moving (and the fact that we haven’t sold our old house) and a gazillion other things. I could write about it all here but I won’t because they are, fundamentally, distractions from this journey.

I think I’m calm about the weight gain partly because I’ve come to see that I’m never going to be ONE weight for the rest of my life. I suspect my life will be a never ending cycle in a range of weight and I have to simply have the presence of mind not to panic and send myself off into a spiral of destruction.

So it’s time to focus on this again.


Another reason I think I’m relatively ok with this weight is that I know what got me here, I know what I have to change, and it’s not that much. I’m not going to have to relearn anything intense or change anything dramatic.

With the move we ate in restaurants or got take out approximately 10 times in 2 weeks. That was way too much restaurant food for my system. I’ve had too much fat and salt from those meals. Too many of them included “a small portion” of rice and/or beans. Too much for my sensitive system.

I haven’t taken a walk in about 2 months. Actually, almost exactly 2 months, because it’s been since I hurt my back on August 13th. I’ve taken three in the past week and I’m more than ready to get back in that routine.

I’ve been eating too many “condiments” and by this I mean things on my oat bran muffins like low fat cream cheese, jam, and peanut butter. All of these things are on-plan for maintenance as long as they are in moderation. But, I was getting a too lose and free with them. That’s an easy thing to change.

These three things, I believe for now, are the crux of my gain.

They are easy to alter once I decide to alter them.

I was figuratively sitting on my hands these past few months because of my injury and the stress I was under. But I can’t say that I think I’m ever going to be stress free. So, maybe it’s just time to buckle down and get myself back out of the danger zone.

So, starting now I’m going…

back to weekly weigh-ins…

to reduce the amount of “extras”…

back to walking a minimum of 5 times per week…

back to 1 restaurant meal a week.

I can do this.

I am worth it.