So I can’t concentrate this morning. On anything.

I’ve spent the past two nights sleeping very poorly due to a whole series of reasons, none of which is interesting enough in the light of day to write about but seem immensely important at 3 am.

To be fair to myself, my kids have awakened me, but my creeping anxiety has kept me awake after that. I keep reminding myself that as unpleasant as this is the anxiety is nothing like it was before I gave up carbs. Today I’m experiencing some sleepless nights. If I were eating carbs I would be having full blown panic attacks and crying episodes.

Thank goodness for small wonders.

I’m pretty confident that my weight gain over the past few weeks has been stress related. Which is not to say that I have been stress eating. Although, I probably have been stress eating, I haven’t eaten off plan so it shouldn’t, at least in theory, have made a difference on the scale. But maybe I’ve gotten to a point where the calories in vs. calories out are mattering again. Who knows.

Anyway, yesterday morning I “woke up” (in quotes because I had barely actually slept) and while blowing my nose I managed to pull (or at least tweak) something in my neck/shoulder. There is something humiliating about admitting the blowing my nose was enough to pull a muscle. There is also something about it that makes me throw my hands up in the air and say, “Well, who the hell knows anything about anything,” and reminds me of my own humility in the face of the universe, which isn’t always a bad thing. See I’m looking for the silver lining.

But the pain has been killing me for the past 27 hours and also contributed to my lack of sleep last night.

It’s hurting now.

We’ve got workmen here at the house doing some serious, heavy lifting, yet delicate work and the banging and the crashing is making my stomach churn.

All in all I can’t focus on a thing right now and I’m trying to let myself off the hook and just ride out the day. My husband suggested that I just give in and watch some TV. He’s probably right, but I just can’t do it.

I’ve got a lot to do.

I’ve always got a lot to do.

Everyone always has a lot to do.

This is life.

I’m not always good at rolling with life, but for today at least I’m trying.

And for today, at least, I’m not eating over it. I had my oat bran muffin and cup of tea for breakfast and while it’s only 10 am and I seem to think I’m ready for lunch I’m not going to eat anything.

I’m going to make a couple of phone calls, gather some information that I need, keep my fingers crossed, and keep breathing.

This too shall pass.

Like everything else, it is just for today.

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