It seems as though all of my posts lately are being tagged with the label “stress”. It’s true that trying to sell our house has been extraordinarily stressful. Even our realtor admitted that to me the other day. It’s strange that buying a new house that’s twice the size of ours, planning for my parents to move in with us, being an emotional and practical support to my parents as they pack up and dispose of the possessions of the past 45 years, finish my semester at work, and keep up with all the usual stuff involving my two kids has been non-stressful by comparison.

You see, our house is very very very very very very old. Did I mention it’s quite old? Well, we have a prospective buyer who’s demanding things that you just can’t demand of an old house, or it’s current owners for that matter. For example, we have no idea if when the house got electricity added to it eons ago if the people who wired the house got permits. I don’t even know if towns issued permits back then! More to the point, I don’t know when the house even got electricity in the first place! I do know that the house has never caught on fire and when we had light fixtures replaced the electricians we used got permits, updated the wiring they could, and didn’t warn us that the house might explode at any moment from old wiring. But this answer isn’t good enough for these buyers.

Then there are the lawyers. Why does everything have to be so darn contentious? Can’t people just ask questions, get answers, and make requests without all the darn escalating hostility? Does anyone not hate the opposing buyers/sellers when all is said and done?

Our lawyer was particularly bad. He’s old, sick, partially retired, and his heart is not in this at all. He’s an old friend of my parents and they wanted to use him so I agreed. Why rock the boat unnecessarily? But he was making things so difficult my husband and I finally had to fire him. At least for our sale. Our new attorney is totally unknown to us, but in the three days he’s been on the job my anxiety has dropped by about 2000%. Or maybe a more realistic number of 80%.

So for today I’m just working on managing my feelings and trying to stay calm. I keep trying to keep my mantra “this too shall pass”. Because I know it will. Hopefully, all the renovations we want to do will be finished by Thanksgiving. Hopefully, by Christmas we will be into a new routine. Hopefully…

For today I am also working on keeping my food reasonable. I suspect that while I haven’t deviated from my food plan I have been simply eating more than I need to be. I am, after all 30 pounds less than I was before and I probably just don’t need as many calories as I did before, even when I was losing weight.

In the last few days I’ve noticed myself eating when I’m not hungry. Nothing “off plan”, per se, but eating when I’m not hungry is never a good plan. I’m thinking that in days to come it may be time to reexamine the food plan through the lens of eating behaviors instead of food groups.

Sometimes the idea of controls around when I eat can make me feel deprived and angry and it can create rigid rules that the chaotic nature of my life just can’t conform to which then sends me off the wagon. Sometimes, the idea of controls can be one that feels freeing; it’s not up to me, so I can’t mess with it.

I’m going to let this idea simmer for a while in the back of my brain. If and when I’m ready, I’ll know.

For today, I think the best I can do is let go of the stress as best I can and try to just be in the moment.