If you like posts full of inspiration and dedication to self improvement I’m going to go ahead and give you a pass on this one.

It’s not inspiring.

It’s mostly just a lot of complaining.

So I forgive you for clicking away if you want.

But every once in a while I just need to complain.

See, one of the downsides of my weight loss surgery of choice (the LapBand) is that if you make the mistake of eating good healthy whole foods too quickly or without chewing sufficiently the won’t go down.

The logical end result of it refusing to go down means that it has to come back up.

It’s unpleasant and I don’t recommend it.

For a while there, when my band was too tight, I spent a lot of time eating things that weren’t healthy whole foods because that processed stuff just slips through easier and so I didn’t have to worry about ever barfing. But the unpleasant side effect of that approach is weight gain or at least an inability to lose weight.

But, I’ve been good about it for the last year and I’ve been making sure that I do all of the required chewing to help the food slide through as it should.

Then, twice in the past month I’ve eaten rotisserie chicken and immediately had to barf it back up because it got stuck. One such episode just occurred.

Now I’m feeling sorry for myself.

I mean really? I have shingles, my whole left side is in the throes of the agony of unscratchable itches and random stabs of pain alternating with persistent deep aching. So with this I needed to be barfing also? I don’t think so.

Now my chest hurts and I’m going to spend the next 36 hours worrying that I’ve somehow damaged my band or my stomach in some way. It’s most probably paranoia, but given that it’s still entirely possible I am totally hopping on that bandwagon.

Really, I’m just tired, I’m stressed about selling my house and buying a new one (both of which are pending but either or both deals could easily fall through at any moment), and the shingles are getting me down. I’ve been on the attack phase of the diet for 9 days now and was feeling good about my progress and hopeful about my weigh-in tomorrow and switching to cruise again but then I got my period again today so I’m dreading the weigh-in tomorrow. Oh, and my knee hurts.


Feels like I can’t win.

What I need to do right now is just pack it in for the night and call it a day.

Too much thinking will just make it worse and since I seem to have misplaced my perspective and gratitude the best thing I can do is hope that tomorrow I will find them again.