So, there is a combination of factors here, but I think in the end that I’m not comfortable right now with counting calories, fat, protein, and carbs every day. It’s not that I don’t see the value. I do. But I value my sanity more and right now it was messing with my head.

One of the things I’ve liked the most about The Dukan Diet is that I was able to lose weight without scrutinizing everything I ate. When I first lost 90 pounds 8 years ago measuring and weighing my food and counting all the numbers each day was educational and helpful. It taught me about portions and grounded me in a set of concrete terms that could guide me in my weight loss journey.

But I’m different now and counting brings up all these feelings of deprivation and being controlled. Being able to know that I can eat slices of deli ham (for example) and not have to worry about any part of it lifted away the feelings of guilt and frustration that have surrounded my struggles with my weight my whole life. Right now, my attempt at counting brought them back in a flood.

So, for today, I’m not going to count unless I find myself in dire straights and I need to do it  in order to maintain my weight. But, given how the past six months have gone, I’m hopeful it won’t come to that.