So I weighed myself this morning as planned and after the post I had yesterday about feeling confident and comfortable in my food plan I should have known that I’d need to be knocked down a peg.

I’ve gained three pounds in three weeks.

At least, that’s how I conceptualized it until my husband pointed out that it’s actually possible I’d lost a pound this past week and know it because it’s been three weeks since I weighed myself.

His point was that I went too long between weigh-ins. He’s right.

Yet the most interesting part about it was that when I saw the number (160.5) I didn’t panic. Not at all. I just thought, “Ok, well back at it.” It felt like “ok, now just keep moving on”. There was no self-recrimination or guilt or anger or despair or anything else that used to be there.

I didn’t immediately start to scheme.

When I logged into the blog this morning WordPress sent me a cute little “happy anniversary” notification. It was a year ago today that I started this blog and posted my first post. So, in honor of that anniversary I went back and read that post from a year ago today.

Oh, my goodness I was so miserable. I read the whole month of April from last year and the pain and despair I felt was palpable.

I don’t feel that way today.

Yes, I’m up three pounds, but I feel, at least for today, as though I have some control over my life and the food no longer haunts me like that. I know enough now not to even have the cake in the house.

But, I still have to reflect on what I’ve done to cause the scale to creep up and adapt so this doesn’t become a long slow escalation. The things I’ve determined I need to do are all going back to what was working before and seem simple enough, non-threatening, and devoid of anxiety.

  1. Return to my food log.
  2. Stop fooling around with sugar-free candy. (I stopped that a week ago and it feels pretty well kicked, I just can’t slip back into it.)
  3. Put down the peanut butter. I realize I’ve eaten quite a bit of late and it doesn’t help and it’s not worth it.
  4. Get back to lower fat proteins. I.e. cut back on the mayonnaise, eat more fish again.

Pretty simple and easy to do. I don’t feel daunted or fearful. I also don’t feel resolve or determination. It feels very neutral, just part of life, and I kind of like that.

I’ve been thinking for a while now about getting back to the attack phase of the diet to shed those last few pounds I really want to see gone. Winter is always a time of me putting on a few pounds and spring and summer are always a time of me taking them off again. May 13th I will officially be finished with consolidation and it might be a nice time to head back to attack and get these few extra pounds of before school’s out for the summer.

Either way, I’m calm and feeling fine. So I’ll just keep putting one foot in front of the other for today.

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