Well, I managed not to eat off plan Sunday night and just have my hot milk and go to bed.

Yesterday and today have been pure protein days and so far so good. Basically.

Except for the fact that I ate two pieces of sugar free candy yesterday. It did a number on my stomach (as it always does) but I appreciate the immediate “push back” it gives me instead of having to wait a week to see it hit the scale. In the grand scheme of things the 20 pieces of sugar free candy I’ve eaten in the last week isn’t a big deal. It’s just the principle of the thing: I shouldn’t be messing around with sugar free candy to begin with.

I’m not sleeping well right now. This wedding planning, which I was really ok with for the past two and a half months, has gotten to me this past week and a half. The cake is making me edgy and uncomfortable. I’m not worried I’m going to eat it, just that it feels like my personal kryptonite is being stored in my garage and the proximity is making me weak.

I can’t honestly say why the preparation of this cake is messing with my head in ways that the 152 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies that have passed through my hands in the past six weeks didn’t. Or in ways my kids’ bags of  leftover Halloween and Valentine’s Day candy aren’t.

It just is.

I hate it.

But there is no way out of this except through it.

I’ve got five days left until the wedding is over and I get my life back.

The not sleeping is really hard for me. My sleeping has been really improved for nearly a year, and yet since Saturday it’s been a mess: no more than four hours a night. I won’t be able to last much longer and stay sane, I know that. I just get into bed and despite being tired can’t sleep.

The weird thing is that I’m basically fine in all other respects. I’m not feeling symptoms of my seasonal depression or any generalized anxiety.

I suppose this is a blessing and once this wedding is over, and this cake is out of my life, things will improve.

I can always hope.

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