I’ve been doing really well on this food plan for such a long time it really got to be second nature. I no longer feel as though I need to think about it and so every once in a while I find that I get brought up short.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time prepping for the storm. Something about grocery shopping and stocking up on things so  I wouldn’t have to go to the store for a super long time is really appealing to me. But at the same time it left me feeling like I wanted to be munching all day long. I was able to successfully resist and redirect myself with chores and work stuff I’d brought home with me.

But then, last night, my kids each had a cupcake after dinner. They are ones I’d made for my daughter’s birthday a few weeks back and they were in the freezer. I’d taken two out that morning to defrost for them to have. They were on the counter all afternoon and I barely even noticed them.

But once dinner was over and the kids were eating them it was unbelievably difficult. The smell of them, the up close view of the crumb, all of it was suddenly so tempting. Neither of my kids seems to have a problem with food or sweets. Case in point, they both ate about half to three quarters of their cupcakes and then asked to be excused from the table. My husband finished the cupcakes.

What’s weird is that at no point did I feel deprived. I didn’t actually want the cupcake. But the smell was so strong it was like some sort of drug. I basically sat at the table with my hands clenched together until the remnants had been consumed by my husband and the wrappers thrown away. Then, I was able to move on.

Part of my brain kept telling me that I could have a little bit, that I didn’t need to be so rigid. My husband even suggested that I could just have a taste.

The thing is that I can’t just have a taste. I just can’t. One taste may work for other people. One meal “off” might work for other people. One day “off” might work for other people. But I can see down that road that I will travel down if I have even one taste and it’s just not worth it.

This food plan gives me the clarity to see that honestly, it really is just not worth it.