I’ve wanted to write for days now.

But I haven’t.

I’ve had ideas of what topics to write about.

But I haven’t.

My daughter’s birthday party, my husband’s insomnia, and my own mounting work as the semester’s beginning draws near all I want to do is curl up with an old familiar book and ignore the world.

But I can’t do that either.

I’ve been following the rules of the consolidation phase faithfully this week and I’m not really liking it. I ate a celebration meal on Saturday night that didn’t actually include any truly “off limit” items except for the fact that it was higher in fat than I normally would have eaten since it came from a restaurant. The next morning I regretted the meal, though, because the sodium in it made me feel dried out and bloated at the same time.

I ate the prescribed one serving of fruit most days, mostly mini-apples and berries. But for the most part it felt prescribed, and not really all that enjoyable. Maybe some people would think it’s sad that I’m not really enjoying the freedom of being able to add flexibility and more variety to my diet but I don’t. To me there’s practically no meal I’d rather eat than a salad with some white meat rotisserie chicken on the side. The meatballs, sauce, and garbanzo bean pasta is no where near as appealing to me as a simple salad.

I’ll admit that part of me is functioning out of fear of regaining the lost weight, but I really do think that my taste for food has just changed. Lean protein, fresh veggies, fresh fruit occasionally as a treat, my oat bran, and a splash of Splenda in my tea is all I need.

I know that changing things around and trying to manipulate the plan isn’t a productive thing for me. But I’m going to see what happens at my weigh-in in the morning, but right now I’m leaning towards simplifying the consolidation phase to meet my emotional needs.