On this journey of mine I’ve learned a couple of things about my relationship to food.

One thing is that if I start becoming emotionally attached to a food there is a problem.

Another thing is that if I start having to use “willpower” not to eat a food there is a problem.

Yet another thing is that if I eat things when I don’t want to be eating them there is problem.

Lastly (for now) is that if the thought of not having something starts to make me panicky there is a problem.

So, I just ran the better part of two boxes of Atkins protein bars down the garbage disposal.

I think I’ve known these were a problem for me for a while now but today I finally had the clarity to get rid of them. They weren’t messing up my weight loss or my weight stabilization; things have been humming along there just as planned. But I’ve been buying them by the boat load, hiding them from my husband, and eating them for no reason (as a snack instead of as a meal replacement). I’ve been treating them like candy bars.

There is a brand of protein bars that’s on plan for me and my husband really likes. I admit they taste good but they make me feel a little bit bloated so I have no trouble bypassing them in the cabinet. It’s like they aren’t even there.

There is a brand of protein bar that is on plan for me, I think tastes pretty decent, and don’t make me feel bloated. These I can have lying around the house and never think to eat one unless I’m having to grab something on the go and the convenience outweighs everything else.

But these Atkins bars were different. Just the smell of them as I was unwrapping them to put them down the drain was alluring. I’m disappointed because I liked eating them. I liked tasting them. But I really didn’t like the way I felt about them.

At this point, having lost basically all the weight I set out to lose, my food plan is more about how I feel than what I weigh. Those bars can’t possibly matter to me more than my sanity and stabilty. I have a pang of sadness saying goodbye to them, but what I feel more is relief.

Better late than never. Phew.

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