I started the Consolidation phase of the Dukan Diet a couple of weeks ago. Last night I was reflecting on my progress and I realized that the last week has gotten very sloppy. It’s not actually my eating that’s gotten sloppy, it’s my attitude.

If I’m being honest I have to say that I haven’t actually begun the true Consolidation phase because other than adding back in vegetables six days a week, instead of only on alternating days, I haven’t really changed anything else. One result is that while I’ve probably been pretty consistent (probably erring on the side of caution, actually) it hasn’t felt clear in my head.

I’m not sure if I’m making sense, so I’ll concretize it:

I was out of town for a frenetic two days last week. Then Friday night I went to a party, Saturday night celebrated the first night of Hanukkah, and then yesterday had company all day. I was nervous about all of it but I basically did fine. I’m allowed one serving of starch per week so for Hanukkah I allowed myself to have potato latkes. I told myself ahead of time I could have between two and three. I wound up having one and a half because that was all I wanted. Sunday morning we had guests for breakfast so I tried to adapt the oat bran gallete recipe from Dukan’s book to include shredded apples. I ate a few, which amounted to far less than the 1 serving of fruit I’m allowed per day, but it was the first fruit I’ve had since I began this diet, which felt weird.

Ack, none of this feels like it’s making sense and I know why. Starting last Monday I didn’t always have my eating log with me so instead of logging what I was eating when I was eating it, I was having to log it from memory hours later, sometimes even the next day. Then, halfway through the day on Saturday I stopped writing down what I was eating altogether because things got so hectic. I know that I got in all my water each day (except one but I was close). I also know intellectually, that I stayed on track with the food in terms of not eating off plan, but I know I probably ate a bit more than normal because I wasn’t writing it down. But now, I can’t look back on it and reassure myself, or find a pattern, or look for slips because the log is either empty or incomplete.

This causes me anxiety.

This causes me to feel confused.

This causes me to doubt myself.

This causes me to fear the scale.

This deprives me of clarity both in the moment as well as later.

Therefore, this does not work for me.

Is it a drag to think that I will have to write down everything I eat or drink for the rest of my life? Maybe a little bit. But it’s not that hard when I’m in the routine of it and when I do it it keeps me healthy and sane. Therefore, it seems a no brainer to keep doing it and to get back on track.

For today, I’m focusing on the self-care of getting my food log filled in.