Scale: 153.5

Change since two weeks ago: 0

Total change: -35.5

Today I am feeling this way about my progress:

I was expecting this and while I can’t say that I am thrilled I can honestly say I’m not disappointed. I’ve maintained and for that I am grateful.

I will confess to being a little nervous about starting consolidation. The thought that keeps running through my head is that if I’ve been maintaining on the weight-loss portion of the diet doesn’t that mean I will gain weight when I switch to maintenance?

See, that’s a brain that has an eating disorder hammering away at it.

So, today I ate my protein and veggies as normal and didn’t have the serving of fresh fruit. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It still felt like cheating. And I certainly didn’t have the bread or any other starch.

I’m having a hard time with thinking about eating vegetables tomorrow. I’ve been on this rhythm,  this routine, for so long that the idea of eating vegetables on a Thursday feels like cheating.

I decided tonight that since my sanity is what is most important here I’m going to take this transition slowly. I figure I’d rather take it too slow than too fast. I want to really feel ready for the food that I am supposed to add back in. I don’t want to feel guilty when I eat it. I don’t want to feel like I have suddenly been set free either.

In this case, transitioning into the next phase slowly means for me that I’m just going to stick with non-starchy veggies and protein each day until I’m ready to add back in some of the other things. Then, I’ll add them in one at a time instead of all at once. Maybe over the weekend I’ll have an apple (Dukan’s #1 recommended fruit for the consolidation phase).

Then, next week I’ll have my prescribed “celebration meal” for Thanksgiving dinner. I’m sure the continued vigilance over my diet will make me eat a little less than I did last year.  It will help keep fresh in my mind that a “celebration meal” is not about binging and eating all that I want until I’m stuffed. It just means that I can eat whatever types of food I want and not feel guilty. I’ll fill my plate, and then as Dr. Dukan recommends, not take seconds. I just won’t worry about what I put on the plate.

That actually reminds me of one of my early abstinence plans in Overeaters Anonymous. My first sponsor told me to start off simple by putting on my plate whatever I wanted but know that I won’t get a chance to replenish. It worked for me and got me through my first Thanksgiving in program so well I swore I’d never stop.

Of course I stopped at some point.

But, for today, it seems like such a safe place to operate from. And it’s a relief to feel safe.

From now on I’m going to have a new page on the website with my weight listed throughout “consolidation”. It’s just going to live there and I’ll update it whenever I weight myself. That means this is the last of the counted, and regular, weekly weigh-in posts.

Of course, I’ll still be posting about the experience of weighing myself and all the wonderful (and not so wonderful) feelings that go along with that.