Well, the storm is past at this point, and based on the destruction we’ve seen around us we know we were very very lucky. In fact, many of our friends are without power so I suspect that later today we’re going to be inundated with friends looking to get their kids out of their powerless homes and desperately in need of electronics charging.

However, the storm left a little bit of internal destruction for me regarding eating.

As I said yesterday, I was able to basically stay on food plan, with the exception of the fact that I ate vegetables every day and didn’t do any pure protein days. Also, I ate a few Atkins protein bars even though I had better, whole food, options. Both of these “deviations” were enough to mess with my head.

This is how I know that I have an eating disorder. Such minor alterations should not be enough to wreak havoc on someone’s internal peace.

The other thing that was a little out of whack was that I felt as though I couldn’t stop eating. My husband had the same problem. It’s as though, for three days, all we did was eat. Again, it was basically “on plan” foods so I didn’t feel too guilty about it (the Dukan Diet says you can eat as much as you want whenever you want as long as it’s on plan) but it left me feeling gross and overly full. I haven’t felt that way since I started the diet and I didn’t like it.

I had forgotten how much I loved not feeling stuffed and bloated.

My husband weighed himself yesterday evening and came down to announce that the scale had told him he had “eaten Hurricane Sandy”.

I wasn’t planning to weigh myself today anyway because of my period coming (and I realize that it’s possible that the eating was really just partly PMS). So, I’m off the hook in that way.

The two things I keep reflecting on are the facts that I didn’t want to have to stop eating vegetables and I was eating the Atkins bars even though I had other choices and I had bought them as an emergency back-up.

So, the not wanting to stop eating vegetables… I think, primarily this is an indication that I’m ready to move on to consolidation. Pure protein days are just really boring and I’m realizing how many wonderful things with great variety I can eat when I’m integrating vegetables.

In the book Dr. Dukan says that when you reach the limit of your interest in sticking with the cruise phase it’s better to switch to consolidation than force yourself to try to stick with cruise any longer. His logic is pretty solid: You’ll need a certain amount of focus and determination to get through consolidation effectively and if you try to force yourself to stick with cruise longer than you have the stamina for it you’ll use up the stores you’ll need for consolidation.

So, I’m going to slowly transition myself into consolidation by just giving myself a break with the vegetables. When I feel I really want them I’ll eat them and when I don’t I won’t. I’ll still stick with one day a week of pure protein, which is for life, but I’m not going to control the non-starchy vegetables. I’m ready.

As for the Atkins bars, well that was harder to sort through. They taste really good and I started to really want to eat them. I wound up eating two each day for about three days in a row until I started to freak out that I was getting obsessed with them and they were a problem. I starting thinking I should throw them all away, which I was really resisting, which made me think even more that they are trouble.

But last night, I realized there was a huge measure of novelty to them. Now, I’ve eaten two of each kind that I bought and I’m not so obsessed with them anymore. They are really good. But, they’re not that great. They make me feel like I’m having a treat, but I don’t think I’m going to be thinking about them as much now that they’re not so “new”.

I remember when I first started this diet I went through phases of eating the same thing over and over and turning to it all the time: the ham and Laughing Cow cheese wrapped around asparagus; the turkey and mustard wraps; SF pudding; TCBY’s sugar free and fat free selections; Horizon organic’s yogurt sticks put in the freezer; SF Popsicles; not to mention the gazillion cheese sticks I’ve eaten.

I think part of what happened is that something about the prospect of this storm made me panic about being fed. When I panic about being fed, I eat. I’m going to try to give myself credit for the fact that I didn’t use it as an excuse to eat off plan and gorge myself on junk food. (I had friends on Facebook talking about all the alcohol and junk food they’d stocked for the storm as though it were an excuse to binge drink and eat. I suppose for non-addicts that sort of thing could be fun but it really turned me off. Not that I should think I’m so much better just because I was overeating on cauliflower and carrots!)

Anyway, the sun is out today and I’m starting to feel a bit more peace. Back to the grindstone, at least in this respect, is a relief. As a food addict I’m always thinking about food. But it’s nice to be thinking about it in terms of how it keeps me healthy rather than how it makes me sicker.

For today, food will be my fuel and a tool for my health, well being, and sanity.

I have gratitude for my safe passage through the storm and for my food plan that is giving me safe passage through life.

 

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