Scale: 159.5

Change since two weeks ago: -1

Total change: -29.5

How many days out of the past 7 did I:

  • Follow my food plan: 7
  • Drink my water: 7
  • Have my oat bran: 7
  • Do 30 minutes of exercise: 2

Today I am feeling this way about my progress:

I don’t know how I feel.

I am glad to see the scale dip down into “the 50’s”.

I am glad I lost something.

I am frustrated that 2 weeks resulted in only 1 pound lost.

I am confused if this is a plateau or not.

I am impatient to get to my goal.

I am fearful that I will not reach my goal.

I started trying on clothes last night. I pulled everything out of my closet and have started looking at what I have. The amount of clothing I can wear at any given time is probably about 25% of the total of the clothes that I own. That is crazy to me. I have boxes of clothes that are too small. I have boxes of clothes that are too big. I have all sorts of sizes hanging in my closet, some of which fit, much of which doesn’t. It’s demoralizing to look into one’s closet and see so much stuff and yet have so little one can actually wear.

Today both of my kids went to school! Hooray! I’ve been looking forward to this for the past few weeks. My plan for the day is to put on every single piece of clothing that I have. It will probably take all day.

Everything will be sorted into a category:

  1. Things that fit that I can wear to work.
  2. Things that fit that I can wear casually.
  3. Things that are way too big and need to be donated.
  4. Things that are way too small and need to be donated.
  5. Things that are just a tiny bit big and I should keep in reserve.
  6. Things that are just a tiny bit small and I should keep in reserve.

This really will take all day.

The real issue is that I’m one pound away from my “pre-baby weight”, my most major and most important goal, but I can tell that the second baby and the four years of losing and gaining the same 15 pounds over and over again took it’s toll on my body and I’m just not shaped the same way anymore. I think some of the clothes I’ve been dreaming about fitting into again won’t fit even though I’m basically at the goal.

Ah, one pound. How can I explain how much that one pound is a enigma wrapped in a puzzle.

Here I am with only one pound to go which means, in some simple and basic sense that I’m basically at my goal, because one pound isn’t going to make a difference in my clothes or how my body feels.

But, symbolically, that one pound means everything.

And how do I even begin to concentrate on losing one pound? What strategy do I employ to lose one pound?

Even the idea of losing 13.5 pounds (which is what I have left to get to my “super dream goal”) seems small and strange. I’m used to trying to lose 40, 60, or 100 pounds. That takes attention, dedication, fortitude, and determination. I always seem to fall off about 10 pounds from my goal. I get within 10 pounds of it and then suddenly the weight loss slows, as it has now, or stops all together. Then I tell myself that I’m good where I am and I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished and I stop rather than let myself get caught up in the head game of fighting with the scale.

I don’t want to start fighting with the scale.

But, I want to reach my goal.

Ok, so this week my plan is to stick to the plan! By that I mean that I’m not going to get wonky and start making radical changes. What I will do is say “no” to the peanut butter. It’s the lesser of all the evils, but it’s still too high in fat and I’m not doing myself any favors by using it as a crutch. I’m also going to try to stick with the lowest fat of the proteins and skip the FF SF frozen yogurt. I’m also going to slow down on the salad, even though I love salad and it helps keep everything flowing, I’m still going to limit it to once or twice a week only because I can’t use those horrible fat free dressings and I don’t need to sabotage myself with the fat from the olive oil.

I’m going to just keep on keeping on.

29.5 pounds is progress and I am happy with it.

I just don’t want to get complacent.