One of my goals for this diet is not to just lose weight, but to develop a healthier mentality towards food. Food can be many thing to many people and it can be many things to me.

Food can be a trigger to create anxiety and depression. Or I can be triggered to eat food because of anxiety or depression.

Food can be a way to celebrate or to punish myself.

Food can be fuel to keep my body going.

Food can be a drug, dragging me ever deeper into my addiction.

Food can be poison, making me sick either in the short term by feeling bloated and uncomfortable or in the long term by making me fat and unhealthy.

Food can also be medicinal, helping my body repair itself each day.

I’m trying to develop a lifestyle for myself that includes using food in its best possible ways to support me and increase my overall health.

This would be why I’m not getting crazy in the head over the fact that I’ve been eating some extra oat bran these past couple of days.

My diet calls for me to eat 2 tablespoons of oat bran each day. I have them for breakfast each day. I microwave them in a bowl with  a large amount of skim milk and then add some vanilla extract, cinnamon, and some Splenda. It’s really good.

Once I’ve reached my goal weight, the next phase of the diet (which is designed to prevent rebounding the weight back on) calls for an increase in the oat bran consumption from 2 tablespoons a day to 3 tablespoons a day.

For the last few days I’ve had some trouble… well… how shall I say this… um… “keeping things moving”. So yesterday and today, in an attempt to improve the situation I’ve had 3 tablespoons of oat bran instead of 2 in the morning.

It helps me a lot to be able to just make this decision without having to struggle to figure out whether or not I’m rationalizing or allowing my disease to control me. I just needed it to keep my body healthy. Once it kicks in and the desired effect has been achieved I don’t really see myself having any trouble going back to 2 tablespoons a day.

It may seem like I’m over thinking this, but I’ve found that the simple act of giving voice to my thoughts about food helps me stay steady and prevents obsessing, worrying, and acting out.

With any luck, tomorrow will be a 2 tablespoon day!