Scale: 160.5

Change since last week: -2.5

Total change: -28.5

How many days out of the past 7 did I:

  • Follow my food plan: 5
  • Drink my water: 7
  • Have my oat bran: 7
  • Do 30 minutes of exercise: 3

Today I am feeling this way about my progress:

I want to laugh at myself for how I was feeling last night about my progress; my certainty that I had gained weight.

But I can’t really laugh at myself over this.

I clearly have no sense of my body in respect to my weight.

When I got pregnant with my daughter 8 years ago I knew I was pregnant within 2 days. I just knew. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I kept a journal at the time and I made note of it. When I got pregnant with my son 5 years ago I knew I was pregnant with a couple of days. I was so in tune with what was going with my body.

Yet, when it comes to my weight I might as well have a block of granite below my neck.

I need to work on this.

I need to be able to see myself realistically.

I need to be in touch with my body’s weight.

I think that this disconnect causes me to gain weight. I can’t tell what’s going on with my body and so I don’t notice anything is changing until my clothes don’t fit anymore. Then of course, I become overwhelmed by frustration, resentment, and helplessness.

Being connected, being engaged, is so much better for maintaining my weight. For maintaining my sanity too.

I’m breathing a sigh of relief this morning. Not only because my crazy-eating-disordered logic failed to materialize, but also because my lack of religious adherence to the exercise requirement once again rewarded me with weight loss.

I love to exercise. I love to walk and jog, to swim and cycle. It just gets very hard to find the time. Ironically, during the school year, when I’m working, it’s easier. My children are in school then and I can find the time each day. But during the summer, when my kids and I are home all of the time I can’t get always get a sitter to stay with them so I can do my exercising. So it’s nice to once again be reminded that I can just be a fallible human being and still achieve my goals.

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