Tomorrow is my weigh-in day and I’ll confess I’m nervous. While I “stayed on the wagon” all week I am just feeling fat and uncomfortable in my body today.

I am hoping this is just a continuation of my forever disconnect with my body when it comes to my weight and that things will be fine when I step on the scale tomorrow morning.

My secret fear is that I’ve gained weight. I’m not sure how that would have happened given the fact that I’ve basically stuck to the plan, but it’s the fear that is nagging at me tonight.

On Sunday I ate peanut butter. Not a ton, but some and I had said I wouldn’t do that anymore.

Last night I was doing a pure protein day but I ate a soup at dinner that had veggies in it.

These things make me imperfect but trying.

I know that I must seek progress not perfection.

I forgive myself these minor indiscretions because they are minor. And more importantly because not forgiving myself guarantees that I will have worse transgressions and potentially fall off the wagon all together.

Forgiveness is the key to my success, such that is has been.

I think part of the “problem” is that I don’t feel deprived on this diet at all. While I do, occasionally, feel wistful about some refined carbohydrate I see one of my kids eating, I’m really ok. I’ve kept the house full of on-plan, tasty foods, that I’m allowed to have in unlimited amounts. I’ve even kept on hand foods that are basically on plan as long as I don’t over indulge. So far, except for once or twice with the peanut butter, I haven’t over indulged.

I feel proud of myself. I’m closer to my goal of my “pre-baby weight” than I’ve ever been in the past four and a half years. I feel capable of continuing on this diet plan indefinitely.

I guess that’s the crux of the problem:

  1. The plan isn’t hard.
  2. I feel I could keep going indefinitely.
  3. If I feel/think this way then there must be something wrong with the plan.
  4. If there is something wrong with the plan it will stop working.
  5. It will stop working and then what will I do?

This is messed up logic from a messed up head.

But once again, getting these ideas out of my head makes this journey easier.

Preparing myself for tomorrow is really about getting rid of the thoughts that threaten to weigh me down.

Figuratively and literally.