I am having and empty, empty, day.

I woke up ravenous this morning and had my normal breakfast plus some non-fat yogurt and a non-fat latte.

At lunch, which I was hungry for my 11am, I ate 4 ham, cheese, and asparagus rolls, some tomato, basil, and mozzarella salad, some veggies and dip.

By the time we got home this afternoon I ate 7 almonds, 2 cheese sticks, 2 tsps of peanut butter, more veggies and dip, and a non-fat yogurt.

I had sworn off the nuts and nut butters a couple of weeks ago but I was hoping that since I’d had so little fat today that the fat in the peanut butter would take away this gnawing hunger that is driving me to distraction.

In the end, the yogurt wound up being the thing that has calmed the hunger pangs, but I’m still waiting on dinner.

I still feel empty.

I’ve tried very hard to pay attention to whether or not I’m actually hungry or battling feelings. The truth is that I am hungry. Genuinely, stomach growling hungry.

The strange part is that everyone I’m with seems to be suffering from the same affliction today. My husband. My friend. Her husband. My daughter. Everyone seems to have a bottomless pit of a stomach today.

I’ve decided not to sweat it.

I’ve decided this while writing this entry.

Oh, well, so I’m extra hungry today.

As long as I stick with “on plan foods” then I will cut myself some slack and eat what I need to sustain me.

I need to remember that one part of “just for today” is the idea that each day is slightly different. Each day I have slightly different needs. Becoming a slave to a pattern is not the same thing as honoring what is best for me.

What is best for me is to abstain from sugar, flour, and wheat; to abstain from processed and refined carbohydrates. What is not best for me in the short or long run is to beat myself up for being hungry or for providing myself with nourishment.

Binging is about fearing my feelings. Eating a bit extra today is about feeding myself and staying balanced.

Everyday has it’s own challenges.

This is today’s.

 

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