I’ve come down with whatever my son had last week. I don’t have the fever, or the terrible wheezing gasping breathing, but I feel generally rotten and I’ve lost my voice.

The result was a general lessening of appetite today and so I never got around to eating breakfast before getting on with my day.I ate a normal lunch, but then a couple of things happened that threw me for a loop.

First, I experienced some mild stress this afternoon/evening that felt more unmanageable than it probably was and I reacted a bit more intensely that necessary. This is unusual for me give the changes that have taken place over the past couple of months.

Then I didn’t eat dinner. I ate my forgotten breakfast as my dinner. It was small. And unsatisfying.

But the real reason both of those things happened was probably that today, both of my parents (who arrived yesterday for a two week visit), separately said to me, “It looks like you’ve lost weight.”

Harmless, right?

So much freaking harm.

I wish I knew why this messes with my head so badly.

Most other diets I’ve been on have ground to a screeching halt once my mother observes that I am looking good.

I really don’t want that to happen now.

So, instead of stuffing my face and binging on diet approved foods I’m just trying to make up for the day of under-eating by having a normal amount of a normal dinner, writing about it, and then going to sleep.

So here’s the deal. If I look at all of the food I ate today it all adds up to a normal day of eating on this diet. What’s not normal about it is that 2/3 of it was eaten after 7pm.

But, I didn’t binge.

And, I didn’t cheat.

And, I’m while I’m weaker than my demons, who have me in their clutches right now, my higher power isn’t and through the consistency of my plan I draw strength.

I am not perfect.

I will never be.

For today I am good enough.

And I will not be afraid of being seen as a too good version of myself that I can not live up to.

Yes, I look like I have lost weight.

I have lost weight.

But I will not allow myself to obsess.

Today I am about progress not perfection.

 

 

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