I don’t know why, but it seems that at least once a week for the past month or so I’ve had one meal where afterwards I think to myself, “Why did I do that?”.

It’s not usually a big deal. I ate veggies when I was supposed to be having a pure protein day. Or I was in a restaurant and ate something higher in fat than I am supposed to. Or I just ate a bit more than I needed to.

Two nights ago, for example, I went to a restaurant and while I could have stayed 100% on track I ordered soup that was way higher in fat than I was supposed to have.

it was delicious, but afterwards I felt terrible. But it wasn’t the kind of terrible that I used to feel. I wasn’t feeling guilty for how many calories I’d eaten, or that it was going to make me not lose weight, or that I was having body image issues. It was more that I felt frustrated that I had taken my will back.

In that moment, sitting in the restaurant, I just wanted the soup. I let myself think a couple rationalizations about why this soup would be an “acceptable deviation” and then ordered it and ate it. After the first bite I thought to myself, this isn’t going to be worth it, but I ate it anyway.

That, right there, wasn’t about willpower, it was about will. My will. Taking it back.

How I reacted to it was, at least, progress.

I talked about it.

Then I took a walk.

Then, I let myself off the hook.

Seriously.

Off. The. Hook.

I was pleased I was able to move on.

It didn’t mess with my food the next day.

I should probably be wracking my brain to figure out why I do this, but in the end, I think it’s more important to see the pattern and not allow it to derail me from my goal.

This is about progress. Not Perfection.

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