Just to repeat myself a bit from the other day, my husband and I had a conversation about willpower. He asked me how my willpower was holding up over the course of this diet.

I really balked at the idea of calling it willpower and told him that I don’t think of it that way.

Willpower is about holding on by my fingertips to a cliff, and knowing that no matter how hard I fight to hold on, in the end I will be forced by gravity to let go and fall to my doom.

Something happens in my brain, however, when I go off refined carbs. I’m no longer relying on willpower. Instead, I’m actually free of the obsession. I don’t know how or why or where that obsession comes from or where it goes. But suddenly, I can look at most of my triggers and binge foods and just not care.

That’s not willpower. That’s the grace of having the eating disordered switch in my brain flipped to no longer focus on food.

This is a blessing too.

 

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