Scale: 170.5

Change since last week: -2

Total change: -18.5

How many days out of the past 7 did I:

  • Follow my food plan: 7
  • Drink my water: 7
  • Have my oat bran: 7
  • Do 30 minutes of exercise: 3

Today I am feeling this way about my progress:

I wasn’t expecting this loss this week. What with the higher fat dinner on Friday, the restaurant dinner on Saturday, and the feelings of emptiness in the evenings I wasn’t expecting any loss on the scale. But then I lost 2 pounds.

I suppose it makes sense. Yes, I ate a few things this week higher in fat than normal, but I successfully avoided my triggers. I didn’t eat any refined carbs, no sugars, nothing that was truly off limits.

Then why have I started to think that these higher fat days aren’t so terrible after all? Am I starting to get squirrely in the head?

I could probably go off on a self-deprecating bender here about the ways in which I’m trying to delude myself into believing that I can deviate from the plan and somehow still reap the benefits of the plan. But, hopefully, speaking from the clarity I’ve found of late, I don’t actually think that’s true. I think that I was just being too restrictive because that is what I’m used to.

I’m used to the idea that a diet has to be so restrictive that it’s punitive. I looked at all the choices from the diet plan and purposely chose the ones I thought would give me the greatest success. On one level that was a great way to start. On another level, it’s not realistic for the long term to stick to only 5 different foods. That will breed boredom and decrease determination.

So the question is, have I truly deviated from that path?

No, I’ve incorporated some foods that the author/doctor included and I had chosen to avoid.

Yes, I’ve allowed a couple of items that he didn’t include because they are higher in fat.

No, I’ve limited the quantity of those higher fat foods to make sure the total fat count stays low.

I’m sure that last one sounds like a rationalization. Time (and the scale) will tell if it is or not. The diet plan says unlimited amounts of the allowed items. Then, there are different categories of prohibited items. One group is only prohibited because the items are higher in fat. If I make sure to limit their quantities to make sure the fat count doesn’t get high, and most importantly, the inclusion of minor amounts of these foods, make my determination stick and I’m able to continue the diet and the success I’ve found then I’m going to be flexible and allow myself the tool that I need to succeed.

If, on the other hand, the scale starts to show me that I’m no longer succeeding, then, I’ll have to admit that this is all a rationalization and return to the more prohibitive plan.

Either way, I’m ok. Avoiding those triggers for me has kept cravings away, my emotional life stable, my anxiety at bay, and my body recovering. I’m happy to take those things, any day of the week, over the alternative.