Things are still going well but I’m having an empty day. I just want to keep eating because I feel hollow inside my stomach. Nothing is filling me up.

It’s strange, and a bit confusing. This might be the point at which, in the past, I might have decided to throw in the towel and say they hell with it and eat “off plan”. But I’m not tempted by that today. I’m not thinking of all the off limit foods on this diet. I’m not thinking about my old triggers. I’m not thinking about those refined carbohydrates that I think are the most dangerous of dangerous foods for my body, mind, and soul.

I’m just not feeling full. I should be full. That’s somewhat ironic. I see that. But it’s true. Today. I eat and then it’s like the food falls through a pit and there is no weight to it inside my body.

But again, I have not drifted to the carbs. My eating today has been more than it has of late. Today my eating has been slightly higher in fat than it has been. But I’m not being drawn to my danger zone.

Even so, it doesn’t feel good. I don’t like feeling so unsatisfied. So… untethered.

But I will not allow myself to be sabotaged by these feelings. They will pass.

Do you hear me, feelings? You will pass. I will remain. You will not sweep me to a darker place.

I’m going to brew a pot of tea to make iced tea. It’s a new one I found made just for iced tea. If I like it it will be a welcome change to just water.

Then, I’m going to put my spoon away and go take a bath.

This is my new strategy for dealing with unnecessary desires to eat. I withdraw to the bath or to bed.

I no longer fight it. Valiant. Brave. Sapping my energy so that I am weak when temptation strikes.

No. I retreat to fight another day.

Against any other enemy this would feel like weakness to me. But not against the food. It is too powerful. It has owned me in the past. I have broken free and the only way to own myself is to remember that I can not win when I fight. I can only win when I surrender.

I surrender. God. Higher Power. Universe. Good Orderly Direction. Whom ever you are. I surrender to you and ask that you lift this desire to eat when my body no longer needs the fuel.

I am grateful that I am not being drawn to the foods that will bring me pain. But that is not enough today.

For today I will simply remember that I will eat again tomorrow.

That will be enough.

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