Scale: 175

Change since last week: -1

Total change: -14

How many days out of the past 7 did I:

  • Follow my food plan: 7
  • Drink my water: 7
  • Have my oat bran: 7
  • Do 30 minutes of exercise: 4

Today I am feeling this way about my progress:

I’ll be honest: I’m trying not to feel discouraged. One pound? I know I should be looking at the ‘-14’ number but I can’t see it very well right now. I’m seeing ‘-1’ for the second week in a row and feeling a bit surprised.

All I keep thinking is, “But I’ve been so good!”

There’s that word again: good.

Why is it that when I follow my food plan I define myself as “good”.

And what do I think being “good” is supposed to earn me?

Why can’t I look at the week and realize that I’ve felt happy, calm, focused, able to handle the unexpected ups and downs of life, and that I attribute that to the food plan that is keeping me away from foods that harm both my body and my mind. I have been free from the burdens of my addiction for the past 5 weeks and for some reason I still, deep down, think that with only a 1 pound drop on the scale this week I’m somehow being punished.

So now, I try not to go off the deep end. Now, I look back over my food journal and try to figure out what was working so well before and if I’ve made subtle changes that I wasn’t aware of. Actually, nothing really is different… except maybe a bit more low-fat cheese than before… maybe a few extra diet drinks. But, it’s enough to make me think that could be tweaked.

Nothing dramatic, nothing dire, nothing earth shattering, nothing “me” shattering.

Just this coming week, more water, less diet drinks, and a little less low-fat dairy.

We’ll see.

I also know I’m coming to a plateau point. I’m three pounds away from a weight I’ve bounced around for the past couple of years. I’ve been below it only twice and neither time did it last long. If I’m to believe the doctor who devised this diet plan I’m on this is going to be a tricky point in the diet, as my body prepares to let go of weight and dip below the point it’s come to accept as a floor.

I don’t know. It sounds reasonable. I have to go a bit on faith, so I will go with it.

Slow and steady wins the race.

One foot in front of the other.

Focus.

Oh, and one other thing: trying to focus on that ‘-14’ number. That’s good. No, that’s great! I need to find a way to be proud of that or else I’ll lose that accomplishment too.

That is part of my pattern. I see my success as not good enough and then I lose what I have accomplished.

Not this time.

I will tell myself this week that I am doing well. It is great that my clothes aren’t tight anymore. It’s also great that I’m happy and calm and feeling confident in myself again. But it’s not over.

I have come this far. There is further to go. But I will not fall back.

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