It’s Mother’s Day and I’m home alone with my two little kids. My husband is on a plane right now traveling for work and I spent the day painting the walls in our front room. The kids have been reasonably well behaved.

I’ll be honest that I’m pissed as hell that my husband had to leave today for a work trip. Not pissed at him. Not pissed at anyone in particular. Just pissed in general. I hate Mother’s Day. I think it’s a crock. Spend a day with flowers, and cards, and gifts, and people waxing on about the majesty and nobility of mothers and then the other 364 days a year the world forgets how hard it is to be a mother and we just get dirty looks from everyone in the grocery store when our kids have tantrums because they want something we’re refusing to buy.

Don’t get me started on Mother’s Day.

But, I have to get started on Mother’s Day, at least a little bit because it speaks to the heart of why I’m pissed.

My husband is wonderful. He appreciates me and let’s me know it regularly. When I’m unhappy he wants to know why and we work together to find solutions. He does everything he can to help me.

But, someone who was planning this conference he has this week seemed oblivious to the fact that it’s Mother’s Day and so he’s on a plane now, instead of home with us doing the one thing I actual wanted for Mother’s Day, which was a day off.

Now, here’s the catch… I think, a couple of weeks ago I would have come home from dropping him at the airport and binged. Out of sadness, frustration, anger, helplessness, abandonment…

I could keep going.

The kids fell asleep in the car on the way home from the airport. It was a blessing.

It could have given me the cover I needed to binge.

There’s certainly binge-worthy stuff in the house.

But, I didn’t.

I let it all go.

Instead I got home and had a food plan approved snack, because I was actually hungry.

Then, I went back to painting.

I’m not actually unhappy right now about anything.

I’m…

…good.

Feels weird to say that. To say that today. But I am.

I’m good.

My food plan’s parameters a funny. Each day they change. Actually, to be precise, they alternate. Two sets of “rules” that alternate from one day to the next. I didn’t realize when I began this food plan but it’s functioning as a daily reminder of “just for today” because everyday I can legitimately say that this is just for today. Tomorrow it will change, and then change back again.

I feel limited and unlimited at the same time.

I’m under two weeks into this plan.

I’m praying this peace remains.

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