It’s teacher appreciation week this week and the class mom for my daughter’s class asked me to bake one of my signature items for the teacher. They are bringing in breakfast for her and my services were enlisted.

But here I am on this food plan, which, is going well so far, and I’ve been managing my cravings well, and not letting the food call to me.

Then today I had to bake.

I probably should have said no.

But I said yes before I realized that it might be a problem.

I’ve sent my fair share of baked goods down the kitchen garbage disposal in my day.

I used to douse them with Tabasco sauce and/or cayenne pepper and then put them in the trash. That is, until I got a garbage disposal. There is something liberating about stuffing a fatty, sugary, blob of addiction down the drain and listening to it get ground up and flushed away. I usually employ this strategy when the baked good’s siren song gets so invasive that everything else stops in my head. I have to either eat it or dispose of it.

The days I choose “dispose of it” are the lucky days.

Here I am with baked goods again. Not my triggers but still not on my current food plan. Not by a long shot.

Here’s the weird part: I’m basically fine.

Yes, they smell good and it would be nice to eat one, but I don’t really care.

In fact, there was enough batter to make a little extra than the pan could fit. I instinctively reached for an extra vessel in which to bake  and then… I didn’t. I put the batch for the teacher in the oven and then I put the extra vessel away and dumped the extra batter down the sink into the garbage disposal.

I have to say that again.


Because I didn’t need it.

Because, I, didn’t need it.

I still don’t.

This may seem small, but at this moment, for me, this is a big deal. My willpower is not being tested. Is that because I just ate my meal plan lunch and don’t feel hungry? Is it because this batch was never meant for me or my family since it’s a gift? Is it because I’m being given an assist by that ever elusive power greater than myself? Is it because this food plan is doing a better job biologically of squishing my cravings?


I don’t know.

For today I don’t need to know.

For today I’m just relieved.